In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to figure out what you’re comfortable doing, and sometimes even more difficult to say “no” or “not yet,” why is why it’s so important to set up boundaries before getting too far in, certified life coach Cassandra James, tells Bustle.

Go into the evening knowing what you’ll feel comfy doing, as well as what’s going to be off limits. This can be an ongoing discussion you have with yourself, and it’s always fine to figure it out as you go, and think “hmm, OK, never trying that again.” But if you already have some hard and fast rules, don’t let anyone pressure you into breaking them.

6. Not Paying Attention To Your Own Needs

While a hook up will obviously be about those involved, try not to focus solely on your partner, and forget about yourself. As Geter says, staying tuned into your own needs and desires (you know, multitasking) is where it’s at.

It can be a lot to think about, as you try to balance all your thoughts, along with what you’re doing, and what your partner is doing. So if you happen to forget or think you could do better next time, that’s fine. You can, however, go into a hook up knowing that your needs are important, too, and try to make them a priority.

7. Feeling Like You Have To Teach Your Partner Something New

Unless you’re being awesome and pointing out what you like in bed, don’t feel like you have to spend the night telling your partner what’s what. And you certainly don’t have to get too creative, or teach them something new — like some weird position involving a couch — if you don’t want to.

“This is not the time to teach anybody anything,” Luiz says. You first hook up can simply be a time to get out of your head and do whatever feels right. If both of you are into it, then go for it, but don’t feel pressured to wow them, or try funky positions, or be over the top. If you hook up again, there will be plenty of time for that. Continue reading “5. Doing Something You’re Not Comfortable With”